MASQUERADE

 

By Ecka

“I always seem to find a way to be mad, not at any particular thing you do but the necessary things you don’t do. It’s hard. Yeah, it is. But I can easily shove the feeling away that fast. Like how I get mad at an instant. But have you even notice the sequel of events? I guess not. ‘Cause you’re busy doing something that eats up your time without the stupid me in your stupid mind. Well, just look at this, I sound bitter again… But don’t worry everything’s ok… Atleast.”

I have to let go of what I thought I owned. And it hurts every f*ckin’ day knowing that there’s nomore ‘We’, and nomore ‘Us’. I try to mask my face, and try to conceal myself. I try to fight and continue the game of my freakin’ life. Damn! I almost win… almost. But I can’t fake it. I can crack up a joke in front of my friends, laugh till I drop, pretend everything’s fine… and cry. In other words, I can fool people but not myself.

Damn my situation! I thought it’s hard to pick up pieces of broken glass, thinking I might get wounded… but then after all, I find it harder to pick myself up and gather the pieces of me, when I know I’m already wounded. Bleeding and pleading. I don’t know where to start, because I know I can never felt ‘whole’ because a part of me went astray with the very person I loved.

I felt jealous, there’s no doubt about it and I’m not going to deny it. You made me feel insecure, and so obscure. So many questions running in my mind, but I can’t find the answers. Sometimes I wanted to ask you, but I’m scared that you’ll push me back and say “Stay away from me!”. Funny though, am I exaggerating? You can’t blame me I do admit I’m paranoid.

Hell yeah, I know you want us to stay good friends. But I’m sorry. I can’t picture myself being friends with you again. It’s not that I hate you. It’s not that I’m bitter or what. It just hurts, knowing that all I see is ultimately everything that I want, but I can’t have.

I envy her. Yes, I do. You were once mine but now, she had you. Damn it! I hate her. I really do. Do I sound pathetic? Me and my pathetic ass, alone again naturally.

I envy her.

And I love you.

I still do. DAMN!!!

Comments

[Jen]

I thought it’s hard to pick up pieces of broken glass, thinking I might get wounded… --- ano ka ba?! broken glass ka jan?! sa pitsel na babasagin ka na lang!! hindi mo pa mababasag kasi sya yung may hawak! kaya sya may kasalanan kapag nabasag! hahahahahahahahaha!!!

[cj]

bruha ka totooba yan o ngpapakasenti ka lng.. anyways kala ko ba over ka na dyan.. bago na ba yan.. carry mo yan ikaw nmn im just a friendster away gurl.. and i miss you..

[- zhALvhAjhEe -]

how nice ur blog

[eCkA]

salamat! ehehe.. nagdadrama lang peeps!

[-'kai'-]

"I thought it’s hard to pick up pieces of broken glass, thinking I might get wounded…" -praning ka ba?! glass nga eh! natural masusugatan ka dun! plastik na lang ihagis mo para pede mong ibato anytime at manytimes!!! ehehehe

"I find it harder to pick myself up and gather the pieces of me" - isa pa to, lasog lasog ka na! natural mahirap mong igather ung saliri mo kasi by that time patay ka na!!! XD~

...prang alam ko na kung kanino tong article na to ah!? hmmmm...... XD~~~~