SHOULD I? COULD I?

By Ecka

In a sea of angsty and melancholic alternative rock fans, I still pass out over love songs with unsurprising and sating (read: kakila-kilabot) love-conquers-it-all themes. I get kilig over mushy chick flick lines, and get teary eyed easily. Feeling ko kasi even if I’m not in the scene, isa ako sa bida sa bawat eksena. Yah right, I once was chosen to join the bandwagon of bitter cynics who abominate love, and be disgusted by mush. May paganu-ganun pa?! Ang chaka-chaka, duh!?

I’ve wavered before, seen hearts get broken and experienced heartbreak myself. It wasn’t that easy ofcourse, and it wasn’t fun at all. A bit odd, but involuntarily tears came running inevitable as I stare at the corner. What’s wrong with me? I’ve done my part, but it wasn’t enough…for him, still I wasn’t enough. Out of the ordinary, I started arguing with myself, blaming with nothing... knowing nothing at all. 

         

        The sparks of romance turned into fuel fires, butterflies in my stomach started churning, and wobbly knees turned into cold shoulders. My heart was broken. My eyes swollen in post-bawl trauma; seen and heard things I shouldn’t have.

After buckets of tears cried over “The One Who Didn’t Seem To Notice”, “The-one-who-must-not-be-named”, and “The One Who Took Me For Granted”. I felt like giving up, and got scared to fall again so deeply. And until now, bitbit ko ang takot na yon. Tang ina lang.

Its so true: Love reality bites – and bites harder.

I’ve had my share of dateless nights, no telebabads, and empty cp inboxes. Walang “San ka na?”, “Nakauwi ka na?”, “Maen ka na?”, “Miss mo ko?”, “amishu”, “Ayabyoo”. Wala. Walang wala! Tang I! Kakamiss! I’ve been envious to sweet couples in the mall, lalo na pag PDA sa escalator. I’ve endured nosy friends “Bitter parin?!?” hirits. I’ve hugged my pillow tightly, cried as I picture him in my mind, whispered sweet nothings to it, kissed it goodnight. And despite the lack of a lover, I still find so much reason to look up to romance.

Until you came along… you popped up from nowhere! Kabute in the house.

~Kring! Kkkkkkriiiinnnggggg! (fone rings)~

“Hello? Pwede po kay Mica?”

“Yes? ^_^”

“Kumain ka na?”

Whoops! Parang kinikilig nanaman ata ako… masamang seyales ito.Pakshet! Pag ibig in da flesh?

Should I? Could I?